Hi everyone, it's been a while since I have written anything on this blog (the last post was actually written one and a half months ago). I hope that you are all doing well.
I noticed that many things in the world have changed and will be changing in the future too.
Looking back in time, I remember when I was in 6th grade I used to believed that after I finished elementary I will be in the next stage of life where I will have more freedom, will be able to decide more things to myself, randomly walking in some random forest. I know those sound foolish at this rate but of course those all felt real at that time, hoping and believing that those wishes will definitely come true.
But as you know, after elemetary there comes junior high school. I was expecting it to be different as if I was already an adult who was ready to face the world and somehow it was annoying that everything was the same except the subjects and studies. I still remember how I foolishly act like an adult by trying to not getting interested in TV cartoons, having big and almost impossible dreams such as making a time machine and having a girl band. And of course, having to know that I needed to study again annoyed me. From what I could remember I used to be happy when going to elementary and I got bored in junior high but that wasn't the case. According to my mom, I was already hate school since elementary. Haha.. That's a bad example there.
There was this time when I transferred school in junior high, and it really opened my eyes in a way. I finished junior high realizing that I am not that good in physics (just normal scores) which actually broke my hope to make a time machine (actually that was inspired by anime haha). It hurts to know that I am not the best when it comes to studies like I though I would (I used to get the top 3 in elementary although only from 14 people). At that time, these are my thoughts
"Now, what will I do in the future?"
"I don't have anything I'm great at, how will I make friends?"
"Will there be anyone who wants to be friends with me? The one who is just a normal person in terms of academics and is really bad at social skills?"
Of course I got some friends but with that questions in mind, it prevented me from enjoying the precious moments (I have limited beliefs about relationships but maybe I will tell those in other posts). I spent my high school year secretly writing a fanfiction (which I take it as an escape from reality) and playing rhythm games on my phone. I still studied because I was afraid that people would start calling me incompetent (which it is just my worries, no one told me that). Some of my grades are great but some are not, I have to take remedial almost everytime especially in math *sigh*.
Choosing major was always exciting whether it was in senior high or going to university! I chose science in senior high and although I sometimes unconsciously regretted and cried about how hard it was, looking back I was never regretted it to be honest rather I'm proud that I could make it ^^ After having discussion with my family about what major I should learn finally we decided one. It was not the major that I was hoping to learn at first but as long as it didn't have many theories, I agreed (I was a stubborn one -still am- knowing that I'm more capable in theories but I avoid it). At that time, I thought I needed to balance my skill between practical and theories but I kept regretting my decision along the way and sometimes I wished that I had a moment of pause in life where I could think over my decisions and choices in life and sorting out myself.
Even though I didn't get the optimum skills in that major, there are other more important things that I learn for sure. I learned more about myself, what I like, what I don't like, how I handle stresses, and how to be grateful and being hopeful. And in this period of time, it gives me more time to find what I really want to do for my career and how I want people to see me when we meet again in the future, basically reinventing myself.
Sometimes, we think that we have decided the best for ourselves but when things go the other way around, we started to sulk about it without knowing that there are actually other things that we may need to learn first. I know I am not in a place to say all of these stuffs because I am still no one but somehow instead of being scared of the future like I used to, I can now feel that my future will be better since I know how to take care about myself.
Sorry if it's boring and pointless, I just want to write and let this post becomes a reminder to myself in the future. Besides, this blog was never has any particular topics except my experiences and events though I hope it might be an inspiration in the future.
Peace out,
Cyn